&quot;I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.&nbsp; Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.&quot; 


&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Matthew 10:16 


&nbsp;


I&#39;ve been asked to speak to a group in a couple months on a topic entitled Trust &amp; Influence.&nbsp;&nbsp;I&#39;m excited because these are really fascinating elements -- the sort&nbsp;that undergird virtually all human interactions.&nbsp; 


The amount of literature in these areas is super-duper-bountiful, so let&#39;s make some moonshine today by distilling a few key ingredients into a couple potent drops.&nbsp; These will be my primary talking points&nbsp;for the group in&nbsp;April. 


Let&#39;s start with Trust.&nbsp; My&nbsp;perspective on trust is that it is currency,&nbsp;so I tend to think of 10 &#39;coins&#39; -- the Trust Coins if you will.&nbsp; Now, none of these coins&nbsp;is &#39;new,&#39; they are, in fact, abundantly found in one form or another throughout nearly all trust literature.&nbsp; But I like thinking of them in terms of money because, essentially, we&#39;re either broke, flush, or break-even in our relationships with others.&nbsp; As Covey might say, &quot;If you&#39;re broke in your relationship with another person, you cannot make any withdrawals.&quot;&nbsp; Conversely, those who love us extend a great deal of grace...a relational &#39;line of credit,&#39; perhaps.&nbsp; (As an aside, a word of wisdom: Obey the &#39;platinum rule&#39; [which is even better than gold] by treating others as they wish to be treated.&nbsp; The day will come, as it always does, when you will screw up&nbsp;royally and&nbsp;wish you had been nicer, more forgiving or...more gracious.) 

<div style="text-align: center">
<img src="/blogging/image.axd?picture=2010%2f2%2fTrustCoins.png" alt="" /> 
</div>

In short, if you want to be &#39;relationally rich,&#39; mind your coins.&nbsp; Be approachable (open door, receptive), Know your audience (meet&nbsp;others where they are, not where you want them to be), Demonstrate character &amp; integrity (consider your &#39;brand&#39; and live a life whole and undivided; contrast this with many current politicians), Be competent, Find commonalities with others, Be&nbsp;credible (believable, reliable), Demonstrate empathy (remember, the boomerang often returns), Demonstrate win/win/win intent (you, others, the organization at large),&nbsp;Demonstrate propriety (appropriate professional behavior), and Live consistently (back to the&nbsp;idea of integrity, your pattern of behavior over time is a&nbsp;huge predictor for&nbsp;&#39;being counted upon&#39; or not).&nbsp; 


Continuing to the notion of Influence, then, the correlations become clear.&nbsp; Someone who is &#39;relationally rich&#39; is vastly more likely to be influential.&nbsp; But influence is an exceedingly deep and broad topic, so let&#39;s break it down into&nbsp;2&nbsp;bites: Principles&nbsp;&amp; Personhood. 


Essentially, influence manifests&nbsp;through two sources&nbsp;-- a half-dozen principles and about nine related aspects of one&#39;s personhood. 


What does this mean? 


Well, take principles, for instance, which are sort of like phenomena.&nbsp; Where we see Consistency occur (for example,&nbsp;if you behave consistently &#39;good&#39;), we tend to see influence increase.&nbsp; Where we see Reciprocation occur (for example, you &#39;give&#39; because you realize this increases the likelihood that you will &#39;get&#39;), we tend to see influence increase.&nbsp; And the same is true for Social Proof (a group of us stares&nbsp;at&nbsp;a building across the street and&nbsp;&#39;everyone&#39; stops to stare...something must be going on or important!), and Scarcity (the&nbsp;fewer iPads available on Day 1 and the longer the lines will be), and Authority (a&nbsp;police officer&#39;s badge &#39;does&#39; something) and Liking (those who are liked tend to be more influential than those who are disliked).&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; 


<img style="width: 685px; height: 213px" src="/blogging/image.axd?picture=2010%2f2%2finfluence.png" alt="" width="1090" height="312" /> 


But personhood, while conceptually&nbsp;related to these principles, is unique: it is influence that&nbsp;emanates from&nbsp;who you are more than what you do or solely how you behave.&nbsp; Indeed, it&#39;s difficult to uncouple the two, I know, but think of it this way: a principle is something &#39;going on&#39; while my personhood is &#39;who I am or how I&#39;m perceived.&#39;&nbsp; Intertwined, yes...but distinct.&nbsp; A skeptic might argue, &quot;But isn&#39;t WHO I AM...WHAT&nbsp;I DO?&quot;&nbsp; And the anwer, of course, is complicated.&nbsp; In short, it is &#39;yes, mostly...&#39; but &#39;no, not necessarily.&#39;&nbsp; Perhaps more on that another day.&nbsp; 


Your &#39;personal&#39; influence, then, often derives from nine common sources, two of which (Legitimate and Referent) overlap with principles I&#39;ve described above.&nbsp; Legitimate influence emanates from the fact that you are, say, the boss!&nbsp; And as the boss, &quot;What I say goes!&quot;&nbsp; (But only so far, in fact.&nbsp; Legitimate influence is actually among the least influential.&nbsp; After all, when the boss turns his back, what do we do?&nbsp; That&#39;s right...now you&#39;ve got the idea.)&nbsp; Referent influence is similar to Likeability...I am attracted to you, for whatever reasons, and as a result I tend to like you and, therefore, I&#39;m more inclined to be influenced by you. 


The dark side to influence is that&nbsp;charlatans, sharks, snake-oil salesmen, con artists&nbsp;and Ponzi schemers exploit these principles and elements of personhood by pursuing just the right sort of pigeons/marks/prey most inclined to be influenced: those in distress, the lonely/isolated, the naive/trusting/gullible, the caregiver, the person who thinks he is smarter than the ploy&nbsp;or -- as Jesus Christ indicated in the scripture above -- those who&nbsp;traipse through life as doves, always trusting and denying the existence of wolves.&nbsp; (Just because I deny their existence does not mean they don&#39;t exist.)&nbsp; 


By way of interest, Mensa members&nbsp;and Nobel Prize Laureates&nbsp;are regarded by con artists as easier prey because their&nbsp;success and confidence give them a false sense of security.&nbsp;&nbsp;Luminaries reason, &quot;I&#39;m smarter than everyone I know.&nbsp; No one&nbsp;can dupe me.&quot;&nbsp; And voila, just like that the credit default swapper (aka &#39;institutional pickpocket&#39;) distracts them with feigned awe, ignorance, brilliance or a &#39;once-in-a-lifetime opportunity&#39; that &#39;no one else sees,&#39;&nbsp;pivots&nbsp;around their sense of imperviousness and takes them for all&nbsp;they&#39;re worth. 


The remaining seven elements that shape influence include Affiliation (e.g., my mafia or gang membership gets me a good table on Friday night), Coercion (if you don&#39;t do what I say, I&#39;m the type who will beat you about the head and shoulders with this bat), Competition (the pizza only has 8 slices and every piece I eat is one less for you, aka &#39;zero sum&#39;), Expertise (I&#39;m the doctor and what I say goes), Guilt (for as long as you disobey, you&#39;re in my doghouse), Information (I have the data and I lord it over you) and Reward (if you play nice, I&#39;ll give you a cookie).&nbsp; No doubt, these seven elements have a lot to do with principles but, essentially, many people are &#39;wired&#39; a certain way...nature,&nbsp;nurture, or&nbsp;the combination of both have shaped their personhood like a river stone and we come to &#39;know them&#39; as being this way.&nbsp; (There is, of course,&nbsp;flexibility&nbsp;or redemption, but these are unquestionably bigger topics for another month!)&nbsp; 


Summarizing then, Trust &amp; Influence operate circuitously, one reinforcing the other. 


On your journey to make the world a better place, keep a third eye on your own behavior (how you are seen, perceived) and the behaviors of others, lest you over or underestimate them.&nbsp; Some are wolves in sheep&#39;s clothing -- seeking to manipulate and take advantage under guises, ruses, masks and the covers of trust...while others, like Christ himself, are mistaken by many for lunatics or heretics when they come open-handed with nothing but goodwill.

Trust & Influence

In his bittersweet swan song, <a href="http://www.thelastlecture.com/">The Last Lecture</a>, Carnegie Mellon professor Randy Pausch shared countless pearls of wisdom about&nbsp;living and dying.&nbsp; Ten months later, he died at the age of 48 from pancreatic cancer, but not before&nbsp;saying, &quot;You have to decide if you&#39;re a Tigger or an Eeyore.&quot; 


Every hour and&nbsp;minute of every day is difficult and tragic for someone somewhere.&nbsp; I&#39;ve touched briefly on the subject of grief over the years, but paraphrasing now Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor, &quot;What&nbsp;perspective does a WASPy, middle class, opportunity-fortunate American have?&quot;&nbsp;&nbsp;Perhaps very little...as little as a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonia_Sotomayor">Princeton and Yale Law School graduate&nbsp;</a>might have.&nbsp; 


A few statistics to set a baseline for &#39;perspective:&#39; 


1. 876,213 children were&nbsp;reported missing&nbsp;in the United States in 2000 (FBI National Crime Information Center).&nbsp; Remarkably, the NCIC estimates that kidnappings comprise less than 2% of all violent crimes against juveniles reported to police.&nbsp; This means that a lot worse is likely happening than we know. 


2. In the summer of 1931, between 1 million and 4 million Chinese died in a flood.&nbsp; 


3. In 2004, approximately 230,000 innocents died in what is known as the Indian Ocean earthquake.&nbsp; 


4. An estimated 230,000 more died 35 days ago in Haiti.&nbsp; 


5. Between 1348 and 1350, &#39;The Black Death&#39; pandemic killed an estimated 30-60% of Europe&#39;s population.&nbsp; 


The list of such atrocities, from those perpetrated upon the most innocent among us (children) by the most evil among us (ill and/or wicked adults) to natural disasters, is a long one.&nbsp; For all intents and purposes, it might as well be infinite.&nbsp; 


As I glance through my last 155 blog entries, it appears that I&#39;ve written about loss or death perhaps a dozen times.&nbsp; Generally, I strive to encourage.&nbsp; So why am I periodically moved to consider end-of-life issues, wisdom for my daughter, or matters as seemingly vainglorious as &#39;legacy?&#39; 


As someone who writes often and has for many years,&nbsp;writing becomes -- in&nbsp;retrospect -- a bit like a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rorschach_test">Rorschach inkblot</a>...reflecting (obviously)&nbsp;one&#39;s thoughts and emotions.&nbsp; The same is true for all of us, of course,&nbsp;though I doubt very seriously that&nbsp;busy people proofread, for the sake of comparison,&nbsp;archived emails&nbsp;as much as&nbsp;I&nbsp;do this blog.&nbsp; What glutton would?&nbsp; 


I share these uncharacteristically personal and intimate thoughts for a reason.&nbsp; Yes, there is a point.&nbsp; I am going somewhere with this seemingly random stream of consciousness...hang in there.&nbsp; 


This has been a difficult week, but only&nbsp;temperately compared to the grievous losses&nbsp;sustained by&nbsp;two dear families who -- quite unexpectedly and most certainly prematurely -- watched as beloved individuals died in their arms. 


The pain at &#39;ground zero&#39; is always the greatest, fading&nbsp;more forgivingly&nbsp;as&nbsp;it&nbsp;ripples out and away from the epicenter&nbsp;like waves in a pond.&nbsp; 9/11...the loss of a child...a sibling...a parent...a friend...we all know&nbsp;loss too well, undoubtedly experiencing our own round in the ring and logically concluding this tour with the ultimate reckoning.&nbsp; 


While the sum of all losses occurring across the globe&nbsp;is unfathomable, unimaginable,&nbsp;incomprehensible...we&nbsp;each have our very personal and proximate&nbsp;narrative of loss.&nbsp; As budding storytellers in grammar school, we are educated to start with something smallish: a child is born, a boy hurts his knee, a girl falls in love, a&nbsp;family&nbsp;seeks a&nbsp;better life.&nbsp; And from such seeds, we extrapolate.&nbsp; The story bounces along, characters come and go, things happen.&nbsp;&nbsp;On the way, the reader is drawn in, drawn down, drawn up.&nbsp; And perhaps at the conclusion thinks, &quot;Wow.&nbsp; That&#39;s me.&quot;&nbsp; Or, &quot;That&#39;s humankind.&quot;&nbsp; 


I cannot wrap my head around&nbsp;famine&nbsp;and disease&nbsp;in Africa.&nbsp; But I can wrap my hand around the hand of Kiki, the seven-year-old boy in Haiti who emerged from the concrete eight days after&nbsp;the quake.&nbsp;&nbsp;Or I can hug him,&nbsp;or pay for his medical attention,&nbsp;or feed him, or promise to pay for his education, or all of the above. 


So rather than&nbsp;minimizing my own life experience because it is too WASPy, simply lamenting the woes of nearly 1 million U.S. children who are reported missing each year, or throwing my hands up in despair because I&nbsp;do not know how I can possibly help Africa...I should instead ask myself something manageable like, &quot;Will I be an Eeyore or a Tigger?&quot; 


This mindset applies not only to the most important matters of life and death, but also to the routine and trivial: Will I whine when my pizza has too much tomato sauce?&nbsp; Or when the man with the world&#39;s longest torso places himself before me in the movie theater?&nbsp; Or when the parking slot closest to the entrance is &#39;stolen&#39; by a spritelike teenager in a Porsche? 


No, I shall not. 


Eeyore would, but I will not.&nbsp; 


I may not be the archetypal Tigger that Pausch embodied, but I cannot,&nbsp;in good conscience, be an Eeyore. 


Eeyores are over-populated already, and it would be a crime to enlarge their number. 


&nbsp;


My own take is this: We&nbsp;rarely know even at the end whether we released Boomerangs or Balloons throughout our life, but no matter.&nbsp; Both were meant to fly. 


Sometimes I aim high and throw hard -- and life reciprocates.&nbsp; I give love, and love comes back.&nbsp; I study and work hard, and&nbsp;the world&nbsp;opens her arms.&nbsp; I discipline my child, and she thanks me later by living a life&nbsp;replete with joy and grace and contribution.&nbsp; 


But sometimes, no matter how high I aim or how hard I throw, there is no echo...no feedback.&nbsp; Just silence.&nbsp; Or tragedy I cannot understand.&nbsp; The love I give...gone.&nbsp; The sacrifice I make...gone.&nbsp; The job, the purpose, the savings, the home, the child, the dream, the freedom, the country...gone. 


Whether a flood, an earthquake, a plague, or&nbsp;an intimate&nbsp;casualty&nbsp;-- we can only comprehend so much. 


But we must, and we shall. 


And when we&#39;re gone, so will those behind us and those behind them. 


Humankind is resilient and people, particularly Tiggers, are&nbsp;wired to move forward.&nbsp; And the rest&nbsp;must be encouraged&nbsp;to rise to their feet, dust themselves off, and soldier on.&nbsp; After all, we&#39;re not always Tiggers or always Eeyores -- these &#39;labels&#39; are really just descriptions of behavior...so from time to time, we&#39;re one or the other.&nbsp; You&#39;d be amazed at how contagious Tiggerness is.&nbsp; (Or Eeyoreness, for that matter.)&nbsp; Such things are viral and communicable (like clapping, laughing, and crying), as has been proven anecdotally, empirically, and statistically more&nbsp;times than you might care to know.&nbsp;&nbsp; 


The majority of people are inclined to inquire, seek, and find that boomerang you threw into the fray all those years ago.&nbsp; Or that balloon you released in the stillness of night, the one they eventually untangle from the tree halfway across the state. 


So don&#39;t worry about what life will bring or&nbsp;doubt whether you can make a difference.&nbsp;&nbsp;The last move, whether a boomerang or a ballon, is the same: let&nbsp;go.&nbsp; 


The&nbsp;ripple effects of your life&nbsp;are&nbsp;best&nbsp;recounted by those who succeed you,&nbsp;for they will tell your story personally just as I am&nbsp;generally.&nbsp; 


If you lived estimably, there will be those who remember.&nbsp; Who will wish&nbsp;they could&nbsp;call you,&nbsp;hug you,&nbsp;see your smile.&nbsp; And they will weep at their loss&nbsp;but rejoice&nbsp;in your life. 


It&#39;s one of the greatest ironies in life&#39;s orchard: The fruit only ripens when you leave the grove. 


So do the very best you can with all you&#39;ve got for as long as you&#39;re given -- and embrace joyfully the realization that those behind you will&nbsp;indeed experience your harvest.&nbsp;

Boomerangs & Balloons

I stumbled across <a href="http://money.cnn.com/2010/02/01/news/companies/dov_seidman_lrn.fortune/index.htm">an&nbsp;interesting article</a> in a recent European issue of Fortune that explores the dollar-value of corporate virtue and, in particular, trust.&nbsp; Perhaps you&#39;ll find it interesting, too. 

But can you really measure the impact of good behavior? One promising area of research is around trust. In his book, Seidman discusses Jeffrey H. Dyer and Wujin Chu&#39;s landmark 2003 study of buyer/supplier relationships among eight major automakers in the U.S., Japan, and South Korea. Dyer and Chu found a strong correlation between trust and procurement costs. The least trusted buyers in the study incurred procurement costs that were five times higher than the costs of the most trusted buyers. Moreover, the least trusted companies in the study were also the least profitable. And companies that trusted each other were more likely to share valuable information like new product designs. &ldquo;Trust between companies leads to more trust,&rdquo; Seidman says. &ldquo;It sets off an upward spiral of cooperative, value-creating behaviors.&rdquo;

Valuating Corporate Virtue?

This morning I received a rather humorous email alleging, &quot;A magazine recently ran a Dilbert Quotes contest, eliciting quotes about real-life Dilbert-type managers submitted by their employees.&nbsp; Here are some of the&nbsp;best submissions from&nbsp;corporate America...&quot; 


<a href="/blogging/file.axd?file=2010%2f2%2fAlleged+Dilbert-Manager+Quotes.pdf">Alleged Dilbert-Manager Quotes.pdf (99.48 kb)</a>

Dilbert Levity

We have to do a lot of this these days, don&#39;t we? 


Squaring of&nbsp;the circle... 


In our personal budgets, we must find ways to make 1+1=3.&nbsp; Or 5.&nbsp; Or 7. 


In our organizations, not only&nbsp;must we find ways to&nbsp;&nbsp;s t r e t c h&nbsp;&nbsp;limited financial resources, but also to periodically work with square pegs currently functioning (or failing to) in round holes. 


Regardless the hurdle,&nbsp;an ability to think&nbsp;outside the proverbial box is paramount.&nbsp; 


Sometimes, when I&#39;m working with a group that&#39;s struggling to think outside the box -- or simply...creatively -- I&#39;ll pass out six toothpicks to each person and make this request:&nbsp; &quot;Using these 6 unbroken toothpicks, create 4 equilateral (equal sided) triangles.&quot; 


For several minutes, most participants struggle.&nbsp; They create pentagrams (!) and beaver dams, but they rarely create four equilateral triangles without great effort, rule-breaking, or toothpick snapping.&nbsp; And almost always, there are gaps/voids and overlapping toothpicks. 


But then, with the briefest guidance and in one fell swoop, they solve the riddle.&nbsp; 


All I have to say is, &quot;Think three dimensionally.&quot; 


And blammo...they make a pyramid.&nbsp; A 4-sided structure comprised solely of equilateral triangles. 


&nbsp;


The problem, of course, lies in our &#39;mental constructs.&#39;&nbsp; Too often, we think 1 or 2 dimensionally.&nbsp; We look at problems myopically or traditionally or quickly...failing to turn&nbsp;them over in our minds like rocks in a dryer.&nbsp; 


Maybe you&#39;ve heard the maxim, &quot;If you do what you&#39;ve always done, you&#39;ll get what you&#39;ve always gotten.&quot; 


Hogwash. 


It&#39;s worse than that.&nbsp; This assumes a polyanna, static view of ecosystems and the world which, of course, is unrealistic.&nbsp; The truth is much harsher: If you do what you&#39;ve always done, you&#39;ll get run over by progress, eaten by competitors, or forgotten by history. 


So, the next time you or your family or your organization face a seemingly intractable or &#39;unsolve-able&#39; problem, think of the toothpicks. 


If they (through the formation of Egypt&#39;s pyramid, one of humankind&#39;s most enduring structures) can remind us the value of creativity and innovation, then many of life&#39;s most daunting problems are half-solved. 


After all, once the solving-scheme is organized, the rest is often a matter of time and sweat, not whether and if. 


Solve on. 


&nbsp;

Squaring the Circle

A dear friend wrote to me earlier this week describing the tragic and unrelated deaths of two teenage boys in his hometown, both of which occurred as the result of automobile accidents over the holidays.&nbsp; A third teenager, a girl, lost her leg while trying to beat a train. 


Yesterday,&nbsp;around 3pm, a&nbsp;precious 12-year-old boy lost his life in yet another automobile accident as he returned home from school, not 2 miles from here. 


As my wife and I struggled last night to wrap our heads around such inexplicable, gut-wrenching, and unfathomable losses, we did all we know to do in such circumstances: pray.&nbsp;&nbsp;What else can one do?&nbsp; There is no consolation for such&nbsp;grief.&nbsp; It simply is.&nbsp; 


While hot meals, attentiveness, big ears, hearts, and hugs may&nbsp;slightly mollify&nbsp;-- they are feeble attempts to do the impossible.&nbsp; But we all do them anyway, because we know of no other substantive ways to help and because they are part of the acts of the human condition which accompany the grieving process. 


We lost our own son on January 4, 2006&nbsp;of complications from trisomy 18 but, however horrific this loss, we never heard Will laugh or cry, never saw him run or jump or fall in love.&nbsp; To lose a child whom one has put to bed on countless nights, whose sweaty forehead one has kissed, whose warm hand one has squeezed on long walks...I cannot comprehend it. 


As our little family visited Will&#39;s gravesite in the cold and blowing wind on Monday night, we said our prayers. 


And in returning to the car, the tombstone of a 12-year-old boy caught my eye.&nbsp; On it was inscribed the children&#39;s epitaph known as &quot;I Am Not Here.&quot;&nbsp; I leave you with it today, along with the gentle reminder: Life is short.&nbsp; Tell those you love that you love them and make the most of every minute of every day. 


Don&#39;t stand by my grave and weep, 
For I am not there, I do not sleep. 
I am a thousand winds that blow. 
I am the diamond glint of snow. 
I am the sunlight on ripened grain. 
I am the gentle autumn&#39;s rain. 
When you awaken in the morning, hush. 
For I am the swift uplifting rush 
Of quiet birds in circle flight. 
I am the soft stars that shine at night. 
Do not stand by my grave and cry. 
I am not there, I did not die. 


&nbsp;

The Brevity of Life

"If you would persuade, you must appeal to interest rather than intellect." 
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Benjamin Franklin 
&nbsp;
Despite the slew of obvious and &lsquo;loud challenges&rsquo; facing 2010 organizations, there remains an often overlooked challenge, a more fundamental flaw in many organizations&rsquo; fabric, and something so seemingly pedestrian that it attracts much less attention in today&rsquo;s media-marketplace. The problem is a thread so pervasive that its absence lays waste to any organization&rsquo;s best intentions to resolve any other issues.
Is the problem Debt? Declining Sales? Cash Flow? Leadership? Marketplace Positioning? Uncertainty? Although each of these orbit near the same sun, they are not remotely as foundational as the problem that binds them together. The problem circling the drain in too many organizations today is strategy, and specifically, the strategist.
Why does the strategist matter so much? Indulge me for a moment and visualize a home or an office building. As a resident or an employee in either of these structures, I can change the paint color. I can lay new carpet. I can rearrange the furniture and hang various art on the walls. I can swap out appliances, order specific lights, or replace brass bathroom fixtures with chrome. But without remodeling altogether, I cannot readily move the bathroom. I cannot readily create additional levels above. I cannot readily tack-on a basement. Why? Because the bones of the house were pre-determined long before the sheetrock went up. Long before the electricity was run. Long before the framing went up and the plumbing was plumbed. Simply put&ndash;the structure and much of its functionality, efficiency, and potential were determined long before the foundation itself was poured. Indeed, the form and function and essence of the structure were determined way back at the origin: in the envisioning and designing stages with the architect.&nbsp;
This is the realm of the strategist, and while disparate issues like cash management&nbsp;and leadership and legal compliance are equally&nbsp;vital and obligatory chromosomes in the DNA of any organization,&nbsp;they&nbsp;are not the same as strategy itself, and&nbsp;they alone&nbsp;are not adequate to create stable organizations or employers of choice or&nbsp;preferred investments for stockholders.&nbsp;
I value leaders immensely; they occupy the second-highest tier on a pedestal within my mind. But the uppermost tier is occupied by the strategist, because she is the progenitor of everything that follows. She is the one who first puts pencil to paper and sketches out what will ultimately become a blueprint, and the blueprint defines the entire space&ndash;its surroundings, its interior, and its inherency. I respect the strategist above all others, because it is the strategist who pioneers and lays claim and authors the music that leaders orchestrate. If the leader is the conductor of musicians, the strategist is the composer.
As we enter 2010, we should pay more attention to these often overlooked masterminds who set entire organizational-universes in motion. From Thomas Jefferson who often worked alone in his tiny room penning the Declaration of Independence to Roman architects who built an array of roads and aquifers that revolutionized civilization&ndash;those who put lines to paper frame the system and set the table for much of what follows. Centuries and millennia later, we find ourselves as tiny planets orbiting around the words of Jefferson through contemporary legislation. Much of western civilization was shaped in the dye that was cast over 2,000 years ago by Romans, Greeks, and Egyptians before them. The importance of their work, of similar work across the East and of all the contributions made since the dawn of man by those quiet, behind-the-scenes strategists must be illuminated. It must be acknowledged, studied, and dissected. We must&ndash;as students and scientists with inquiring minds&ndash;look way back&hellip; back to specific beginnings when architects, be they writers or composers or sculptors or painters or potters or doodlers like Leonardo da Vinci put pen to paper and crafted the rules by which we often play. We must make their implicit work explicit. We must bring it to the light of day that we may, in our own humble and unique ways, master it ourselves. Indeed, strategy is organic and evolves over time&ndash;where we began cannot be where we go, yet an understanding of an organization&rsquo;s strategic origins certainly informs those strategists responsible for shaping and reshaping it on a continual basis.
As has occurred to others, perhaps it occurs to you now, "But what if I&rsquo;m not the strategist? The walls were here before I arrived. I&rsquo;m just a leader in an organization that was built long ago &ndash; but I do wish to become a more strategic leader." One needn&rsquo;t be the creator to be strategic; one needn&rsquo;t be the original architect to remodel, refine, and improve. Life is dynamic, not static, and though we might not have been the original architect, we are &ndash; each and every day &ndash; shaping everything we touch.&nbsp;
And perhaps more importantly, you are indeed the strategist of your own life. Whether you wish to remodel your career, your fitness, your relationships, your finances, or your future, 2010 is a new year&ndash;a blank slate&ndash;and I hope and pray it will be your very best year yet.

A Happy & Strategic 2010

Decisions, decisions, decisions. 


We make countless decisions each and every day...every hour...every minute. 


And most decisions aren&#39;t that hard.&nbsp; We go with our gut, we experience &#39;behavioral shorthand&#39; and know how, for example, to wind our way to work each morning without even thinking about it or, in the case of tougher decisions, we think, we pray, we seek counsel.&nbsp; 


But you know as well as I do that some decisions are very, very difficult.&nbsp;&nbsp;Unimaginably gut wrenching.&nbsp; Consider the sort our President is wrestling with this very week.&nbsp; Or the sort our Supreme Court wrestles with each and every day.&nbsp; Or the sort a grieving adult-child faces as&nbsp;her dying parent is placed on life support.&nbsp; 


And some of these decisions are in the oven for months...for years.&nbsp; Indeed, they are very long in the making. 


To describe this protracted &#39;deciding,&#39; I use the analogy Decision Hill. 

<div style="text-align: center">
<img style="width: 571px; height: 214px" src="/blogging/image.axd?picture=2009%2f11%2fhillrev.jpg" alt="" width="571" height="214" /> 
</div>

The first segment of Decision Hill is the ascent.&nbsp; This is the acknowledgment that a decision, generally a complex, multifaceted one (and&nbsp;often an emotional one or one that will have &#39;tentacles&#39; affecting others or &#39;collateral effects&#39; beyond our immediate imagination) needs to be made.&nbsp; Consider a neophyte playing chess with a grandmaster or a naive child wandering alone in the dark.&nbsp; Neither is fully aware of the errors of his/her ways, much less the unknown and&nbsp;potentially devastating consequences that might follow an initial, innocent, well-intentioned&nbsp;mis-step.&nbsp; In fact, consider the 1986 Space Shuttle Challenger tragedy...or the pre-strike intelligence the NSA&nbsp;possessed on terrorists&nbsp;before the horrors of 9/11 in NYC.&nbsp; Neither of these examples represent one huge&nbsp;or glaringly obvious oversight on anyone&#39;s part so much as an incremental, microscopic accumulation of residue...of tiny error after tiny error which, in the particulate, seem invisible, yet in the aggregate, seem enormous. 


The ascent takes a very, very long time. 


We wrestle with complexities.&nbsp; With our emotions.&nbsp; With possible outcomes.&nbsp; We recall the past, we look to the future, we strategize, we visualize moves and countermoves, we think of the people who will be affected by our choices, we fall to our knees, we seek others&#39; counsel, we T-chart the pros and cons, we flip coins, we toss coins in fountains, we wander and wonder, we rule things in and rule things out, we sleep on it, we eliminate outliers and finally...finally...after the grueling and the slogging and the swinging and the fighting and the traversing many meters to the top...we arrive, crestfallen, at the apex of Decision Hill. 


And we straddle the tippy-top of this mountain.&nbsp; We feel its enormity beneath and around us.&nbsp; We accept the hollowness within us.&nbsp; We long for the connectedness and renewal around us.&nbsp; And we stare into the fog and darkness and storm and wonder if the heavens are with us.&nbsp; 


And we decide. 


In an instant. 


After the weeks and months or even years that preceded, we finally, exultingly, make a choice. 


And this choice brings us -- in that singular moment -- from our ascension...to the second segment of our climb...the tipping point. 


The slow boil is now a gas. 


And with the clarity that cuts through the&nbsp;night like a knife through warm butter, we turn our eyes finally and fully toward the future. 


The angst of deciding is behind us. 


And we feel luminescent.&nbsp; And buoyant.&nbsp; And&nbsp;human again. 


The weights slip off our shoulders, the bodice around our chest is loosed, the vice around our mind is broken, the chains around our ankles and neck and wrists are shattered, and we fall forward toward our destiny. 


Like the child awaking to a pure and powdery snow on Christmas morning, it is the dawning of a bright, shiny, wondrous, clean, perfect day. 


And we fall face-down upon our sled, grab the handles with&nbsp;shaky hands, and&nbsp;are restored and renewed.&nbsp; We are officially in segment three: the descent. 


Beloved gravity will do the rest.&nbsp; Slowly, crunching...then quickly, now skittering...we gather speed and momentum and inertia and velocity...and we arrive, startlingly soon,&nbsp;at the bottom of the hill and find ourselves rocketing toward our future, snow spraying up all around us, ice crystals stinging our cheeks, laughter peeling all around.&nbsp; 


And like the shirtless, sledgehammer-wielding strongman at the summer fair, we are ready to&nbsp;slam forward&nbsp;into all the tomorrows that&nbsp;stretch out before us. 


I want to encourage you today: It will get easier.&nbsp; There is a top.&nbsp; There is another side.&nbsp; Even -- especially -- in the darkest moments of the darkest hours of the darkest days of the darkest seasons -- light shines on.&nbsp; It always will.&nbsp; It always has.&nbsp; That&#39;s the benevolent nature of light.&nbsp; It travels effortlessly and ceaselessly and swiftly across the darkest regions of the known and unknown universe to warm your skin. 


That&#39;s all there is to it.&nbsp; 


Your charge...indeed, the only toll for your journey is pure -- and simple: 


Believe 


and 


Keep Moving Forward 


God speed.

Decision Hill

The philosopher Immanuel Kant (1724-1804) wrote about so many things...transcendental deduction, self-consciousness, transcendental synthesis, a priori&nbsp;concepts (knowing without experiencing), subjective deduction, thought itself, intuition, the transcendental unity of apperception, principles, the logic of illusion, appearance and reality, phenomena and noumena, pure reason and metaphysics, cosmology, theology, the soul, the categorical imperative, the antimony of freedom, the self, practical reason, autonomy of the will, morality, the role of law, beauty and design and taste, objectivity and contemplation, imagination and freedom, harmony, common sense, form, purpose, teleology, and the divine. 


Humbling, no?&nbsp; What did we do today?&nbsp; Not this, I&#39;m&nbsp;somewhat certain. 


But arguably guiding his many pursuits was one overarching, prevailing framework: his sense of duty.&nbsp; He utterly and completely devoted himself to a life of scholarship and lived, as we clearly see and know from any accounting of his life, within his head. 


His eccentricities were many.&nbsp; Roger Scruton, a Kantian scholar once wrote, &quot;It is true that Kant&#39;s life was, if not mechanical, at least highly disciplined.&nbsp; His manservant had instructions to wake him each morning at five and tolerate no malingering.&nbsp; He would work until seven at his desk, dressed in nightcap and robe, changing back into these garments at once when he had returned from his morning lectures.&nbsp; He remained in his study until one, when he took his single meal of the day, following it, irrespective of the weather, by a walk.&nbsp; He took this exercise alone, from the eccentric conviction that conversation, since it causes a man to breathe through the mouth, should not take place in the open air.&nbsp; He was averse to noise, twice changing lodging in order to avoid the sound of other people.&nbsp; His aversion to music other than military marches was notorious, as was his total indifference to the visual arts -- he possessed only one engraving, a portrait of Rousseau, given to him by a friend.&quot; 


Ironically -- and most tragically -- Kant died senile.&nbsp; Isn&#39;t that the way it always goes?&nbsp; Our greatest gift, whether our mind, our physicality, or our relationships seem to be the final tax required to exit this world.&nbsp; (Just look at NFL runningback Earl Campbell or&nbsp;pugilist Muhammad Ali...Campbell can barely walk and Ali can barely speak.&nbsp; The strength, speed, and agility of the former and the sassy, quotable&nbsp;comebacks of the latter...gone.) 


120 years after&nbsp;Kant&#39;s death, his grave was robbed and his sarcophagus left empty. 

On the wall of the great castle overlooking the city of K&ouml;nigsberg (Kant&#39;s hometown), a bronze tablet bears the words from the conclusion of one of his many great works, Critique of Practical Reason.&nbsp; &quot;Two things fill the heart with ever renewed and increasing awe and reverence, the more often and the more steadily we meditate upon them: the starry firmament above and the moral law within.&quot; 

Indeed, it was likely the pull between Kant&#39;s sense of interior morality and external aspirations to fully explore and understand as many otherworldly nooks and crannies as possible that informed his existence, drove his curiousity, and defined his reach. 


Despite his many shortcomings and the various clouds spanning the horizon of his life, we should all be so fortunate as to reach as wide, high, and deep.&nbsp; And to do so while we are still able.&nbsp;

I Kant Reach

Before dinner tonight, I found myself in the very first Starbucks -- the one that started it all.&nbsp; 


Though I&#39;d been once before, I noticed something this time that I failed to notice last time: no chairs.&nbsp; No seating whatsoever.&nbsp; It&#39;s Starbucks as we know it...but totally stripped down and unplugged. 



<img style="width: 257px; height: 242px" src="/blogging/image.axd?picture=2009%2f11%2fphoto.jpg" alt="" width="257" height="242" />&nbsp;


<img style="width: 366px; height: 242px" src="/blogging/image.axd?picture=2009%2f11%2fphoto+(2).jpg" alt="" width="366" height="242" /> 



It got me thinking about this distinction between simplicity and elaborateness (the opposite of simple is elaborateness, not complexity, as we often suppose). 


We&#39;re all biased, of course, and my bias is this: simple is better.&nbsp; It just is.&nbsp; The best car I&#39;ve ever driven, the best home I&#39;ve ever lived in, the best clothes I&#39;ve ever worn, the best friend I ever knew...they were all very straightforward and simple.&nbsp; And I loved &#39;em that way.&nbsp; Preferred them, in fact.&nbsp; 


Just like I loved this Starbucks.&nbsp; 


It lacked all those messy chairs, newspapers strewn on the floor,&nbsp;squatters hogging the best spaces in the place for hours on end with their computer cables running this way and that. 


Instead,&nbsp;this tiny 28-year-old&nbsp;joint&nbsp;was full of an eclectic energy, eager buyers, photogs, and folks just happy to get in, get out, and get on their way,&nbsp;steaming cups in hand. 


I accept that there are times we wanna flop down in a big cushy chair, but this original Starbucks reminds me that often, we overburden great ideas with unnecessary elaborateness...and lose the essence that made something special in the first place.

Original Starbucks

Whether it&#39;s the periodic seven-year-old&#39;s question, &quot;Why is the sky blue?&quot; or the executive&#39;s inquiry mid-way through a coaching session, &quot;What&#39;s your leadership philosophy?&quot; I have always enjoyed the questions we ask too infrequently.&nbsp; They reveal, after all, much more than the questions we commonly and confidently ask. 


I&#39;m not sure when my daughter and I will have more profound conversations about life, but she&#39;s already quite the philosopher and riddle solver.&nbsp; &quot;Why is the word &#39;men&#39; in the word &#39;women?&#39;&quot; and &quot;How can God be three things at once?&quot; are two questions she&#39;s posed in the last week alone, so I presume the floodgates are creaking. 


Perhaps more as an exercise to get myself ready, here are some initial chicken-scratchings in anticipation of the question, &quot;How should I live?&quot; 


1. First, be true to yourself.&nbsp; It is my belief that God designed you uniquely -- strive to be all that you were designed to be, not who others are...or as you presume others expect you to be. 


2. Take comfort knowing that while we are all fallen and fallible, redemption is yours.&nbsp; But don&#39;t abdicate or dismiss your responsibilities because of this.&nbsp; We choose, daily, our attitude and behaviors.&nbsp; Live the message, don&#39;t preach it.&nbsp; 


3. Live a life of integrity.&nbsp; Seek to be beyond reproach.&nbsp; It&#39;s human nature to judge and throw rocks; live your life as if on the front page, take refuge in those who love you for who you are, and be gracious to all. 


4. Focus where you can make a difference, even if it&#39;s just one starfish.&nbsp; Some people don&#39;t want or won&#39;t accept your offers or gifts or time or talents.&nbsp; Give them anyway, but wisely and with peace where they are misinterpreted, perverted, or rejected. 


5. Avoid the crazymakers, saboteurs, and joy robbers.&nbsp; Only sadists negotiate with madmen.&nbsp; They&#39;ll drain your lifeblood and you&#39;ll be left hollow and jaded. 


6. Invest in the eternal and those things which will transcend your generation.&nbsp; Life&#39;s too short to limit your focus to a harvest that ripens within just eighty years.&nbsp; We benefit from all those who precede us; continue the tradition. 


7. Forgive others.&nbsp; You&#39;ll need it too. 


8. As my uncle exhorted when I was twelve, &quot;Find what you love to do -- and do the hell out of it.&quot;&nbsp; Again, life&#39;s too short to be misspent on pursuits that don&#39;t bring fulfillment, contribution, or flat-out joy. 


9. Don&#39;t live for someone else.&nbsp; Live that your life might benefit others, but not to the detriment of your own personhood. 


10. Do no harm.&nbsp; Not only because this is right, but because life is a merry-go-round with a reliable sense of reciprocity.&nbsp; The people you might step on now will surely be your puppetmasters in years to come.&nbsp; Treat everyone knowing this, not because of strategy or fear, but out of love. 


11. Forgive, but forget at your peril.&nbsp; We are designed to forgive and be forgiven, but learn from your mistakes, avoid the same ones twice, and accumulate wisdom. 


12. Where possible, resolve or compartmentalize.&nbsp; Don&#39;t allow anger, regret, spite, hurt, or other emotional leakage to seep into other areas of your life, robbing you of purpose, passion, or the generally elusive contentment. 


13. Don&#39;t confuse family, love, and strangers.&nbsp; We often inflict the deepest wounds on those we love and strangers often exhibit the most selflessly breathtaking demonstrations of grace.&nbsp; Be open yet cautious, hopeful yet realistic, and take comfort that time -- while it rarely heals wounds -- quite reliably brings perspective, which itself is a harbinger of peace. 


14. Simple beats elaborate, significance trumps success, and sustainability is more valuable than flash. 


15. Take refuge in nature.&nbsp; The right choices reveal themselves more readily beneath shade trees, on hills, along beaches, deep within the woods, or beside streams. 


16. Remember -- love functions like a boomerang.&nbsp; Most of the time.&nbsp; Aim high and&nbsp;throw&nbsp;hard. 


17. You generally get one bite at the apple; make sure it&#39;s an apple...and the right apple. 


18. Don&#39;t refuse gifts.&nbsp; Give gifts.&nbsp; 


19. Say &quot;thank you,&quot; &quot;please,&quot; and &quot;may I?&quot; 


20. Hold the door for those behind you. 


21. Marry someone who holds the door for you.&nbsp; And&nbsp;attempts to manage&nbsp;your chair.&nbsp; And opens the car door.&nbsp; And insists you order first.&nbsp; And holds the elevator for strangers. 


22. Call an old friend and invite&nbsp;him or her&nbsp;to lunch. 


23. Send notes &#39;out of the blue&#39; acknowledging another person&#39;s awesomeness. 


24. Don&#39;t sweat the small stuff -- really -- in a couple or three years you won&#39;t remember worrying about it anyway, much less the &#39;matter&#39; itself. 


25. Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself; make others feel good about themselves, and don&#39;t waste your time on those who&nbsp;maliciously and pathologically and consistently&nbsp;do the converse. 


26. Make a home, not a house. 


27. Avoid checking your bags whenever possible. 


28. Wear comfortable shoes. 


29. Take a warm coat, hat, and gloves.&nbsp; Or a swimsuit.&nbsp; Whatever you need to enjoy the scenery.&nbsp; 


30. Carry mints or gum...enough for everyone. 


31. Know another&#39;s culture, let it be, and roll with it.&nbsp; For example, when in China, never surprise your host by secretly paying for his meal. 


32. Balance -- or risk burning out, bowling over, or bowing out by necessity rather than choice. 


33. Stretch. 


34. Cuddle. 


35. Always have a pet. 


36. Wear sunscreen. 


37. Abhor vanity.&nbsp; You&#39;re beautiful, inside and out.&nbsp; The more the former, the more the latter. 


38. People are vastly more...or less than their titles, degrees, or income tax bracket.&nbsp; Treat others as if they&#39;re worth knowing and they will be. 


39. Laugh, cry, hug, pat, dance, jump, run, play, cartwheel, somersault, high kick.&nbsp; Move your body and it will move you. 


40. Expose yourself to things about which you are ignorant or do not understand.&nbsp; Be insatiably curious and polymathic.&nbsp; Read the greatest books, study calculus, see a Shakespeare play, attend the opera, play the piano, study aikido, compete in a triathlon, coach a Special Olympics team, give blood, learn another language, ride horses, travel, try new foods, visit wonders of the world and never stop asking, &quot;Why?&quot; 


41. Plug in rather than drop out. 


42. Take your kids to the zoo. 


43. Send your kids to college.&nbsp; And then, if they wish to attend a culinary institute, or write, or sing, or dance for a living...they can and more fully. 


44. Donate. 


45. Volunteer. 


46. Sacrifice. 


47. Accept that the house always wins and be ready to stand up and walk away from the table.&nbsp; Look forward, never backward. 


48. Be disciplined, not lazy.&nbsp; Prepare, don&#39;t wing it.&nbsp; Stand on the shoulders of your gifts and talents, commit to improve, and work hard to&nbsp;be great.&nbsp; Never rest on your laurels. 


49. Seek to die &#39;all used up&#39; rather than rich. 


50. Understand that true wealth is about choices.&nbsp; Poverty is about an absence of access to resources that might otherwise change your life. 


51. Expect miracles. 


52. Enjoy life. 


53. Eat well and treat yourself to fine meals every now and then.&nbsp; There&#39;s more to life than fast food.&nbsp; 


54. Order dessert...and think of me.

Some Assembly Required: 54 Lessons for a Life Worth Living

As I grow older, I am experiencing a number of phenomena that are new -- sometimes altogether foreign to me.&nbsp; But as they accompany me for months that roll into years, like Stockholm Syndrome or the proverbial shoe-pebble or saddle-burr, they become my begrudged companions. 


Amusingly, many of them have to do with my own body.&nbsp; My barber seems to spend more time in and around my ears, my tummy resists its pants, my joints echo and reverberate throughout the bedroom as I make my way to the restroom each morning, and the pains in my back from years of sports, backpack carrying, weed pulling, and other sundry chores emanate further downward and upward.&nbsp; (I&#39;m not quite sure whether I have more pains than before, or if my tolerance for pain is eroding.) 


On most days, my left elbow barely functions; the &#39;throw me, Daddy!&#39; repetitions have left me feeling like Bjorn Borg after a lengthy Sunday with McEnroe. 


When I rise too quickly after kneeling to write for long periods, the room might very well spin.&nbsp; Or it might not.&nbsp; It&#39;s a crapshoot...a roulette wheel, after all. 


And is it just me, or do headaches accompany aging?&nbsp; For several months now, I have these temporary moments of great pain in my temples...as if I can literally feel the armada of platelets making their way through my capillaries to feed those twitchy roots growing like itty bitty fronds in my ears. 


I was with my daughter at The Container Store several months back and we stumbled across this absurdly large pill box.&nbsp; Each day of the week was so voluminous it could assuredly house a dozen sugarcubes.&nbsp; Lauren looked at it, laughed, and commented impishly, &quot;Hey Dad, this would be perfect for you!&quot;&nbsp; &quot;Um, yeah, sure,&quot; was all I could mutter.&nbsp; Keeping track of my periodic maladies&#39; medications feels equivalent to coordinating traffic flow through the Panama Canal. 


Alas, however inconvenient or painful my nominal yet increasing afflictions of the body, they pale in comparison to life&#39;s more worthy foes. 


Tragically, one of the more sobering trends that accompanies age is the increasing death rate of friends and family.&nbsp; Forewarnings of this reality come in flavors as innocent, ubiquitous, and pop-cultural as The Lion King&#39;s Circle of Life, but this doesn&#39;t make acceptance any easier or more welcome. 


About every month, my wife and I learn of a dear friend who has passed -- car wreck, cancer, stroke, heart attack.&nbsp; In the last month alone, several moms and dads have left this world three to four decades prematurely.&nbsp; There&#39;s nothing like a funeral attended by half-orphaned 3, 5, or 7-year olds to cue swelling Smell the Flowers music. 


Visited, much like Scrooge by the spirits of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, I too have been reminded by recent events of the primacy of life.&nbsp; We only get one.&nbsp; This is not, as they say, the dress rehearsal. 


Pain, too, is a great prioritizer. 


But regardless the source, the outcome is the same: I have chosen in the last couple years to re-balance my life.&nbsp; Much less travel, more home-time, and the addition of &quot;no&quot; to my vocabulary have absolutely transformed my existence.&nbsp; And with my daughter growing a solid foot in the last 18 months, I am certain these choices are the right ones...the only ones. 


For all I know, my funeral is next Wednesday. 


Far be it from me to wonder when -- better to live as if it&#39;s imminent, only to be pleasantly surprised if it&#39;s not. 


Without question, I would relish the gift of a long, albeit pain-ridden or pock-marked life.&nbsp; Furry ears?&nbsp; Gelatinous belly?&nbsp; Achey back?&nbsp; Creaky knees?&nbsp; Joy-robbing elbow?&nbsp; Bring &#39;em.&nbsp; Better them, friends muse, than never getting to experience them. 


Better to love, live, and laugh as a stoop-shouldered grandpa at my granddaughter&#39;s high school graduation than muscularly roar out of life alone with saddlebags of money strapped to my mid-life Harley. 


On the statistically possible offchance that my body or mind unexpectedly give out before my spirit or soul, promise me one thing: you&#39;ll give my wife and daughter big &#39;ol bearhugs and remind &#39;em that, while Daddy made a ton of mistakes, he always did what he believed to be right.&nbsp; And he did the best he could at everything he tried. 


But most importantly, that he lived a life full of love.