Wish I could say the film did little for me, but unfortunately it was too busy being obnoxious and deplorable.
Thankfully, I fell asleep for a while there (a brief respite from the misery), but then, sure enough, the abomination roused me from my slumber and I was once again kangaroo-kicked about the eyes and ears.
It's just a wholesale disaster from start to finish: stupid, loud, nonsensical, embarrassing, cheesy, and seemingly unending. It felt I was there for days and began praying the projector might somehow, magically, play Cats. What a welcome relief and quality uptick that would have been.
And don't get me started on the writing, acting, or plot. We could workshop those problems all winter, but they are tertiary to my aforementioned grievances.
Were it a toy, it'd be this madness. (Fast-forward to the 10th second.)