The Importance of Birthdays & Affirmation

My wife and I both celebrated our birthdays recently.  (For the record, my wife is 364 days younger than me.)

In the late 1990s, my perspective on birthdays changed forever.  I had been out of town for several days, and when I returned to the office, everyone threw a huge party for me.  They wore funny hats, had 'vandalized my cubicle,' baked cupcakes, and sang songs.  Although it made me somewhat uncomfortable at the time, it was a powerful day nonetheless.

On a 'break,' I casually mentioned to a mentor of mine that I had never really taken birthdays all that seriously.  My mentor (whom I would later learn was battling lung cancer) commented to me with his glinty blue eyes, "Blake, don't ever rob another person of the opportunity to show you how much they care."

When Hulon Jennings passed away a few short weeks later, I promised -- not only to his memory, but to myself as well -- to never underestimate birthdays.  To allow people to go crazy if they wish.  To welcome the kind comments or accolades or pranks or whatever might come.

This past week, largely as a result of LinkedIn and Plaxo and, perhaps to a lesser extent, good 'ol fashioned memory, I received cards, emails, calls, texts, voicemails, and "singing messages" from people around the world and through the rearview of my life.  All told, some twenty-odd folks wished me well in the course of eight hours, and 130 participants in a workshop sang "Happy Birthday to You."  And while, before Hulon, I would have discounted and diminished the day, this time... I soaked it all in, smiled about it, and HEARD it.  In short, I found joy in it.

One card read, in part, "I was thinking of your upcoming birthday, and praying for you today.  Truly, I am thankful for you and your life, and excited to see what God has in store for the year ahead."  Thank you, David -- your card touches me deeply, as did the many well-wishes from so many who paused to think of me.

I am committed to getting better at acknowledging others in return, and to letting THEM know how much I love them as well.

I close with this truism from Maya Angelou who wrote, "Long after they'll remember what you said or did, people will remember how you made them feel."

Indeed.

And any great leader, which so many of us aspire to be, should remember this fact.  We must not, as Hulon counseled me, rob others of the mutual joy that arises from telling another, "I care about you.  You matter.  You exist, and were born on this day.  Enjoy my joy."

So the next time your birthday rolls around, back off a little, eh?  Give people the room they need to reach out and say, "I care."  After all, we are too often hard on ourselves and by discounting our birthdays, we discount ourselves and those who, despite our flaws, love us regardless.